Is It Already Time?

Verse 1:

I've travelled down this life in the fast lane.

Every moment whizzing by

Just another warning sign...

To slow down and appreciate each day!

When I'm older, there'll be plenty of time,

But I'm a careless wind, blowing wild and free...

Life won’t ever have a hold on me.
And to waste this Youth would be a wretched crime!

Chorus 1:

But is it already time?

I've got so much left to say.

And so much of what I've started...

Will just wilt and fade away.

Can you slow down the hours...

And maybe hold the line?

And stop planning my tomorrow's...
But is it already time?

Verse 2:
This world may try, but it can't do me wrong.

I've danced with my demons,

Lost all my inhibitions.

I finally know where I belong.

I hold Fate in the palm of my hand.

Now the Dregs of Eternity,

They got nothing on me.
Yet Time, it runs through these fingers like sand.

Chorus 2:

And is it already time?

I've got so much left to say.

And I've only just got started...

Will I wilt and fade away?

Can you slow down the hours...

So I can beg for what is mine?

I have no need for tomorrows...

But is it already time?

Bridge:
When you're living fast, and flying high.

You can't fathom the reasons why

Life gets in your way,

But I promise it'll be okay!

At 30, forever's on your side.

You still strut through life,

With your foolish pride.

And before you know it,

It's all just slipped away...

It's all just slipping away!

Repeat Chorus
Is it already time?

Is it already time?

Is it already time?
Is it already time?

Addicted

Solitude is a dangerous drug.
It works in reverse.
Killing you at first.
Bringing you down
To your very knees.
But stay alone for long enough...
And you begin to love it.
To the point where you begin to think...
You'll never need someone else,
To make you feel whole again.
But do you see the flaws
In the plan, my friend?
Solitude is still a drug.
And you're addicted.
A strange, lonely, dangerous drug.

If There Was One Thing I Could Do…

I’d spin around. Counterclockwise. Till my feet hurt.
Till every muscle in my body screamed out in pain.
Till my legs threatened to detach from the rest of me, and run off the face of the galaxy.
Till every bit of energy was drained from my being.
And then some more.

Till each turn I took robbed the planet of just a little bit of angular momentum.
Slowing its spin the tiniest bit.
Lengthening the night.
Drawing out longer afternoons.
Dragging out the longest sunsets.
Pushing back the dawn.

Giving me a little more time here.

With You.

There's so much to be Thankful for!

Today I am thankful. For my God, my family, my friends, and my life...

2015 hasn't been the easiest year. I've struggled. I've loved. I've lost. I've reached the highest highs and the lowest lows. But through it all I've learned some of the most valuable lessons in this year, and for that I'm most grateful.

So here's my little thank you note to everyone that has been a part of my journey...

I'm thankful for all the friends who have stood by me through my darkest days and hours. You'll have been my strength and my solace when I most needed it. I don't know how I'd have survived without the love, kindness and generosity you'll showered me with. Sometimes the most precious thing you can give someone is just a little bit of your time, and a listening ear. So thank you for just being there!

I'm eternally grateful for my family. Without the support system that my mama, dada and sister provide me with every single day, I would never be the person I am, and I'd never have been where I am today. They've been there for me when I have had no one to turn to, and I will never be able to find the words to express what they mean to me!

I'm thankful to the friends who've walked out of my life and all the new one's that have walked in. You'll have taught me that nothing is permanent in this life, and that though change rips a hole in your soul, everything always happens for the best! Thank you to all the amazing friends I have made this year – you've shown me what it is to instantly make a connection with someone, and for that to grow into friendship and love and much more!

I'm so thankful for being able to do the things I love. For being able to travel...I've seen some of the most amazing places this year and done the most awesome things with both friends and family. I'm thankful for all the memories I made this year...they will live with me for a lifetime. I'm grateful for an awesome job, for being able to do exactly what I love...for good friends and awesome company at work.

Today, on my 29^th birthday, I'm thankful for all the people that took the trouble to wish me, even though I am in a different country. A very special thank you to the few people that called me at midnight (you'll know who you'll are!), for really making my day and giving me the best start I could have asked for to this year! I love you guys! Thank you for all the messages, the posts and all the love that was sent my way today. I could not have asked for anything more today!

Last, but most importantly, I'm thankful to God for giving me another year of life, another shot at taking that proverbial trip around the sun, and just smashing it on this wild, wild ride of life. I'm but a minuscule particle of nothingness, but I know I can rest secure in His plans, for He has wondrous, marvelous things planned for me! And my journey is only just beginning!

2015 has not been the best year in so many ways, yet in so many others, it has been the year I needed. I've grown, but more importantly, I've matured into the person I am finally proud of!

Here's to another awesome year...to traveling and seeing more of this beautiful world, to meeting the most awesome people and making the best of friends, to living and learning and loving.

To Growing Up, but never Growing Old!

There's so so much to be Thankful for!

  

If I Ever Let Go Of Your Hand

If I ever let go of your hand,
Be it for nothing else,
Than to wipe away every ounce of pain,
Or to draw your gaze to the skies,
To where the Creator of those hazel eyes,
Used His stars to spell out every letter of your name!

If I ever let go of your hand,
Let it only be,
To calm the storms in your soul,
To pick you up when you've lost all hope,
When you're broken, and unable to cope,
Let my hand be the one that carries you home.

And if I ever let go of your hand,
For even a second,
Let it only be to slay the demons in your mind,
To thumb through the worn pages of your past,
To the tales that were always meant to last,
Beyond longing and the memories you've left behind.

And if these fingers,
Should ever loosen their grip,
Let it only be to dry the tears from your cheek,
To remind you how I never stopped believing,
In magic, and you, and hope, however fleeting,
When you're broken, I'll be the healing you seek.

I make you an undying promise,
That I will ride out every storm,
Through it all, at your side I'll stand,
For what kind of love would this be,
When you most needed me,
If I ever let go of your hand?

Flawed

I am Flawed.

I realize it every time I stare at myself in the mirror each morning. Every time I create something new. Every time I work on a marketing pitch, or write a song lyric, or record a verse of something, or belt out a song.

And every time I write.

I realize that I am no more than a series of flaws and imperfections, covered by several other layers of mistakes and shortcomings, wrapped in a cocoon of flesh and bones that is just holding it all together.

While writing might seem like I am baring my soul to the universe, for the most part I am simply trying to conceal the ugliness that has suddenly been torn open like an unhealed wound. Writing is much like posing in the nude - you're baring the most personal part of yourself to the world - your soul, your spirit, your mind and your being, while still trying to come away looking good. You're putting yourself out there, hoping that somebody will maybe find some tiny part of something that strikes their fancy, amidst the terrible, torrid storms of your heart.

And so, every time I write, I go back and read. I judge myself intensely. I go back and try and correct and edit every last grimy detail as much as I can. I go through days, weeks...sometimes even months of questioning, smoothening, reinventing every little nuance, every small idea that eventually turns into a story. I seek validation and approval - for someone who has seen the ugly, flawed, filthy mess that I am to tell me that they love me for every scar across my heart, for every gash across my countenance, for every dropped comma and forgotten apostrophe, for every figment of the imagination that did not stretch far enough.

I am as flawed and as human as they come. And in those flaws, lies my beauty and my individuality. That is the supreme irony of this existence. Because no other person is as flawed as me, or is flawed in the way that I am. I am beautiful in my ugliness, whole because of the little pieces of my brittle soul, and perfect in every blemish that discolors my path.

I am Flawed.

But in my flaws, I am being made Perfect!

The Nation Wants Answers! Really Loud Ones!

TV is not the truth. It is a goddamn amusement park. It is a circus, a carnival. A travelling group of acrobats, storytellers, lion-tamers, sideshow freaks. We are in the boredom-killing business.
- Peter Finch in Network.

Every evening I come home to a load of noise, fighting, and chaos. No, I do not have a bunch of noisy neighbors that are constantly quarreling about their water supply or other more trivial matters. I am not a part of some fractured family that chooses to vent their frustration at the top of their lungs. Every evening, I come home to the nightmare that is 'The Newshour' blaring out of the idiot box at a volume that would wake up the dead from the local cemetery. And with 'The Newshour' of course, I come home to the brouhaha that is Mr. Arnab Goswami.

Now, here's the thing. A man with a personal vendetta against silence should not, in my humble opinion be a mediator in a dialogue between members of two rival political parties. There's enough noise being generated by these idiots who're trying to fight the losing battle of putting their already fragile point across, in a sea of chaos. Then you add Arnab into that mix. That's akin to adding pure ammonium nitrate to gasoline, pulling the detonator switch, and putting your face close to see what happens. For the chemically illiterate, Big Boom Boom happens.

Nobody can deny that Arnab brings issues that are plaguing our nation to the public's notice. No one can take away the fact that he is an ambassador for change, and that he is campaigning for the people of this country. However, no one in their right mind can also deny that people like Arnab Goswami are all that is wrong with the journalistic profession today.

What you are getting from shows like the Newshour is much less news, and much more drama, masala, noise, and theatrics. I've sat through whole segments of this show, and come away having not learned a single new piece of information, or a single thing about what the actual news was, apart from the opinions of faux-intellects and foolish politicians. Shows like this, and by extension their creators/editors/conceptualizers/creative teams are more concerned with the TRP's, than about actually changing the state of affairs of the country by simply delivering news to the homes of the general public. There are numbers to back that up.

According to this Quora post (not fact checked, mind you), the market that Mr. Goswami and his esteemed peers in the English news media industry cater to is a tiny one. About 10 lakh Indians watch English news channels (0.033% of the country's population), which is unsurprising, given that we have more regional languages and more people that speak Hindi than any other nation. Out of that pie, Times Now's share is roughly about 4 lakh Indians, which is roughly 0.033% of the Indian population. Still a pretty substantial number of educated, literate people, who don't see the ugliness for what it is. What is scary though, is what this Economic Times article has to say. (Incidentally the Economic Times is owned by the same brothers that own Times Now. Surprise, Surprise!) Back in 2010, Times Now occupied first place in the English News channel space with

a market share of 37%, as compared to 15% for NDTV and 22% for CNN IBN. Let's analyze that for a second. That means that Times Now had a viewership that equaled the combined market share of the number two and number three channels in the English news space. That number has grown significantly larger since then, and continues to grow. We've created a monster that is growing exponentially, and the only thing that can arrest that growth is us. But we're still feeding said monster by tuning in every night at 9 p.m., and that's where the problem lies.

Mr. Goswami, if I may address you directly, I'd like to borrow a line from you and your show...I have great respect for you as a person. Your hard work and dedication at bringing pressing issues to the attention of the masses is commendable. The pipes that the creator has blessed you with are standout. I mean to be heard above the steady drone of noise from the rest of your panel trying to get your attention to make their point, while you pander to the people that agree with you, is truly a praiseworthy feat.

That being said, you are the mediator in a discourse, a moderator in a debate, but before all else, you are a journalist. Do the values that your once noble profession stand for mean squat to you? Aren't you not supposed to let your own personal opinions and prejudices stand in the way of moderating these discussions? Aren't you not supposed to take sides, even if you stand for and are campaigning for all that is good and true? By definition, isn't that what a moderator in a debate is supposed to be doing? Aren't you supposed to listen to the opinions of the people you've called onto your show, rather than merely gratifying the people who endorse your own views? And who made you judge, jury, jailer and executioner over every little issue, including the most trivial one's? (India losing the Cricket World Cup. I mean, really?) Isn't your job merely to inform through your medium, and then to leave the good people of this country to opinionate for themselves, and then to campaign for change, if needed? Why are we being force fed your opinions and those of the panelists on your show who agree with you, Mr. Goswami? Do you have answers for me, Mr. Goswami? The nation needs to know! C'mon, loudly now!

Perhaps the Indian audience is fed up of simple Saas Bahu dramas, and have begun to crave drama in other forms. What other explanation is there to why sane people would come home from a hard day in the noise and chaos of the city, to subject themselves to even more noise and chaos, in the comfort of their homes? To a show where the noise dominates the news. Arnab has cleverly identified our craving for a little zing in every form of media, a little masala in every little morsel of television, and has adapted the news to cater to the public's demand. But what people don't see is that Arnab's opinions and the monstrous volumes at which they are voiced have the power to change people's perspectives on things, even if they are not right. For example, the documentary 'India's Daughter' on the Nirbhaya rape case was banned after the furor on Times Now, because Arnab questioned in a live open debate whether it should be screened on a rival TV channel (NDTV). That, and a nice little ruckus in parliament was all it took for the documentary to get banned in the country. Do you see where this is going?

Outlook magazine called Arnab 'The man who killed TV news', and rightly so. It also stated, and I quote "...the numbers for Newshour suggest that in a market saturated with information, there is an impatient audience out there, which doesn’t quite believe in layers and nuance; which wants someone to distil the key news of the day and spin it into sharp polemic in clear simple terms, just black or white, with no shades of grey." And Arnabji has mastered this little jig and is serving it up to the dumbed down general public on a silver platter.

Remember Prannoy Roy? The epitome of television journalism. Remember the days when news was actually news, not a freaking circus with a bunch of clowns arguing over who was right with little to no information actually reaching the general public, after one whole hour of 'News'? How I miss those days. Because back then, I had the option of sitting in the same room as a family that was interested in the news, and still tune out of it, free to carry on with my own devices. Sadly now, I am being force fed a whole lot of bullshit in the guise of news at volumes that could blow out my brains, with little or no escape.

Anybody Remember Me?

So I guess what I'm trying to say, Dear Arnabji, is that I have no respect for you at all. It would behoove you to change the name of your show to 'The Noise-hour', and to change your tagline to 'The nation wants answers that are in line with my political beliefs and social ideologies, and nothing more.' Because when the things that affected our country and the world became a Fox News style pseudo-drama, with a sprinkling of our very own homegrown 'Saas Bahu' masala for good measure, that's when it stopped being news.